The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
