I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize