I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
