Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
