I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
