do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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