I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
