you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
