im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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