who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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