Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
