Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
