dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
