im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
