No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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