thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
