I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
