dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
