All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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