Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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