my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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