is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
