I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
