i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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