I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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