I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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