I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
