Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
