Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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