what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
