I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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