Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
