She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
did i just pee glitter
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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