In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize