You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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