Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
