Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
