South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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