I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
