its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My feet surprised me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
