i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
