So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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