I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
