As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Let's get the cat blown out
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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