It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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