Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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