What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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