there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
