So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
