i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
