Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
