Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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