Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
