3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
