What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
