Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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