you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
