We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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