Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why do cheetos always look like penises
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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