Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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