I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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