Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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