Will you blow on my dice?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
