I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
