There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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