No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize