I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
