We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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