hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
