Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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