not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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