how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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