I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
