Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
